It's amazing how things in your life can be repeated over and over, and yet you hear things differently depending on where you are on your walk with God. The series Under the Chuppah as the Stirring has been a huge eye opener for me, and yet we had a very similar series my freshman year. It just goes to show how much I have grown in the past 2 years. Anyway, one thing I have really been struggling with as long as I can remember is being single. I don't want to be single. I tell myself I am ok with it, but when I see a couple together I feel so much pain. It's what I want.
Growing up, whenever I would have a crush on a guy, I would like him A LOT, but there was a part of me that would know that nothing would come from it. I had never liked a guy that was in love with God, and I knew that no matter how much I thought I wanted to be with said guy, I wouldn't. It wasn't something I realized until much later in life, but while other girls would try to see a future with whoever their crush was, I never would. I knew they weren't the type of guy for me.
Now I am at Simpson. There are amazing men of God here. There are Godly couples everywhere. I'm not saying all the guys are men of God or all the couples are Godly, but there is a fair amount. Healthy, loving relationships where God is the focus. That's what I want, so badly. I didn't realize it my freshman year. I was starting to see it my sophomore year, and now it's clear why I have never found that guy. I am still being prepared for him. I have told myself I would never date someone that I could not possibly see a future with. I don't like the concept of dating. I like the idea of modern courtship. I also love the idea of marrying the first guy that I fall in love with. I'm hoping for that. More than anything, I want a man of God that I can trust, that will be my shade, and that I will feel safe with. I want a man that will go to my father and ask for his permission to pursue me... to tell him that he will protect me and my purity. Nate painted such a beautiful image tonight of what a relationship should biblically look like, and I realized why I have not been with a guy, why I have not dated anyone. I am waiting for that. I want to be so filled with God's love that His love pours out of me, not go seeking a relationship to find love. And I know that I am not there yet. I am still being prepared. So I will wait. I will try to be patient until I am ready. Until I can stand with my beloved under a Chuppah, surrounded by friends and family and covered by God, and tell him that I have been prepared for him.
Growing up, whenever I would have a crush on a guy, I would like him A LOT, but there was a part of me that would know that nothing would come from it. I had never liked a guy that was in love with God, and I knew that no matter how much I thought I wanted to be with said guy, I wouldn't. It wasn't something I realized until much later in life, but while other girls would try to see a future with whoever their crush was, I never would. I knew they weren't the type of guy for me.
Now I am at Simpson. There are amazing men of God here. There are Godly couples everywhere. I'm not saying all the guys are men of God or all the couples are Godly, but there is a fair amount. Healthy, loving relationships where God is the focus. That's what I want, so badly. I didn't realize it my freshman year. I was starting to see it my sophomore year, and now it's clear why I have never found that guy. I am still being prepared for him. I have told myself I would never date someone that I could not possibly see a future with. I don't like the concept of dating. I like the idea of modern courtship. I also love the idea of marrying the first guy that I fall in love with. I'm hoping for that. More than anything, I want a man of God that I can trust, that will be my shade, and that I will feel safe with. I want a man that will go to my father and ask for his permission to pursue me... to tell him that he will protect me and my purity. Nate painted such a beautiful image tonight of what a relationship should biblically look like, and I realized why I have not been with a guy, why I have not dated anyone. I am waiting for that. I want to be so filled with God's love that His love pours out of me, not go seeking a relationship to find love. And I know that I am not there yet. I am still being prepared. So I will wait. I will try to be patient until I am ready. Until I can stand with my beloved under a Chuppah, surrounded by friends and family and covered by God, and tell him that I have been prepared for him.
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